Ok, here is a great memory from about 5 or so years ago…well at least I think it is pretty cool. I was a freshman in college. But before we get into the story we need a little background information. In 1977 one of the greatest movies of all time was presented to the world. Yep you guessed it: Star Wars episode IV A New Hope. Don’t let the name fool any of you young ones reading this story, it was actually a good movie. Yes little ones, Star Wars movies were actually good movies. Before the Dark Times, before the Menace.
With that background we can return to the story at hand. The special edition of Star Wars came out my freshman year and seeing as how my roommate (Jared Teter), Aaron, Dan and I were rabid Star Wars fans, (ok, Dan just came along for the ride) we decided to get tickets and watch all three of the movies on opening night. The problem was that everyone else had that same plan and so in order to accomplish our designs we had to wait in line. So we got in line around 4:00 pm. The box office opened at 11:00 so we only had approximately 19 hours to go. We were all laying in the street in our sleeping bags and passing the time by playing risk and watching movies on a large T.V., which was hooked up to a generator. (Are you beginning to see the mental health issues that surround Star Wars fans??). Well we survived the freezing February night and got tickets in the morning. Mission accomplished, the movie was great and we saw it on the opening night. The story however does not end here, it only begins…as we entered the theater we beheld riches exceeding all that we had ever imagined, and we could imagine quite a bit. Window stickers of the great Darth Vader three feet tall, Yoda, ewoks (ewoks suck), everything was there! Cardboard cutouts of the entire cast! They would all be ours, oh yes, they would all be ours. But how? They were guarded by the theater’s evil imperial guards whose constant vigil would make capturing the treasure as hard as capturing the secret plans of the original Death Star! And as we all know many Bothan Spies died in that endeavor. Which of us was likewise disposable? But, they would be ours somehow, and at any cost.
It is possible that our lust for the paraphernalia clouded our reason because the last of the three movies was about to open and we found ourselves ticketless. So there we were on opening night frantically trying to buy tickets from people in line and thereby get into the last showing. Finally one of us had the bright idea to see if there were any tickets left in the box office. And lo and behold, there were! It was a miracle, and so it was that we found ourselves in the last showing of The Return of the Jedi. After the show we were in a good mood as we came out of the theater, but our jovial mood soon turned into elation as we entered the lobby and found that the guards had abandoned their posts! Nobody was guarding the prized treasure! From this point on in the story all parties will be referred to by pseudonyms to protect the identities of the guilty. One of us, who will be known as “Tared Jeter”, went to work immediately. He began trying to caress R2D2 off of the huge cardboard display. He was thus engaged when “Aarastas” ran up and grabbed Yoda by the ear and yanked him off with one deft motion. Tared Jeter, inspired by this new and efficient tactic, yanked R2 from the display and then, using skills only a true Jedi can possess, leapt onto the candy counter and sprinted to the window where he obtained the window stickers of Darth Vader, Yoda and the Gay Ewok. And then as soon as the thieving rampage had begun it was over and they were gone. At this point Natthew Mielsen played the role of sentinel and made sure that the evil guards were not pursuing our heroes. He relayed this information to Tared and Aarastas. They then walked home without incident and Darth Vader adorned their window for the rest of the year. It had been a perfect tactical strike and nobody ever knew who had performed it. Post Script.
Actually that last statement was not entirely true. Two years later Natthew found himself in Brazil far from the crime and far from anyone who could possibly know of it. Or so he thought. In Brazil he met a boy named Vince Penman who had years earlier lived in Provo and had been guarding a great treasure in a movie theater that had been stolen one night when he and his fellow guards had failed to keep their vigil. He was especially devastated by the loss because if he had been successful in guarding the treasure much of it would have become his and it was for this very purpose that he had gotten a job as a guard in the first place. Penman soon learned of the great crime and that Natthew had been involved. However, at this time Natthew was Penman’s boss of sorts and so all was forgiven. It is now 5 years later and Yoda still watches over our apartment from the wall. I think that he likes his new home.
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