Our True Savior

Our True Savior
Just before Halloween James, Madelyn, and I were having one of the most difficult times of our lives. After talking with our bishop for hours, Madelyn was very tired, hungry, and on top of everything, she even had a cold. After being very good and patient Madelyn finally lost it. She was the most upset I’d ever seen her. While James was finishing up with the Bishop, I went into the dark nursery with Madelyn and tried to calm her even though I was sobbing myself. After awhile I started to pray. As soon as I started, Madelyn laid her head down upon my chest and was calm and quiet. I don’t know exactly what the spirit guided me to say but I do remember asking The Savior to put his arms around Madelyn to comfort her and to let her know how much she was loved. The instant I asked, I felt Madelyn’s breathing slow, her body relax, and I felt The Savior’s arms surround her. My spirit has rarely had such a miraculous change of feeling as I experienced at that moment. As my sobbing turned to joy combined with fear for our families situation, I was also calmed and given the strength to do what I had been praying for daily.
Although my prayer with Madelyn opened me up to the suggestion of the spirit, I didn’t necessarily get the answers that I was hoping for but knew, without a doubt, that I was literally in the hands Lord and was greatly comforted.
1^st Nephi 21:14-16
…The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me – but he will show that he hath no.
For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee…
Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; they walls are continually before me.
With Love,

Wendy Nielsen and Madelyn Marsha Collins

12/23/2006

Having Madelyn

Having Madelyn

(Everyone already knows this story to nauseating detail but here goes anyway) 

                     Our sweetie little baby is a miracle, seriously.  When our little Bean was born to her physical cells, James and I never saw each other.  We were both working 12 hr shifts at the hospital.  I worked at night, he worked during the day, we NEVER spent time together, but when Bean was 5 weeks old I went to my Dr. for medicine because of my sour stomach and something told me to get a pregnancy test.  Two hours later I walked in the kitchen door to a blinking answering machine and found out I was pregnant!  ABOUT TIME, since we had been trying to have a baby since 2001 and had just quit trying in early 2004... And thus started my the worst experience of my life that produced the most wonderful blessing of my life. 

                    By the time I was 7 weeks along I was throwing up every 15 minutes or less.  I couldn’t keep anything down and was losing weight fast.  I had my first doctors appointment at 8 weeks because I was so sick and we got to see our little one moving around on screen, we were having a kidney “bean”.  Bean became her name for the next few months until we found out we were having a precious little girl.

                    During my pregnancy I was extremely sick, hormonal, and lonely as James was working from 70-80 hours a week.  I was in tears every single day and finally, around my birthday I was saved.  Mom flew me home for several weeks for some much needed attention and pampering.  I even got my first of two baby showers, fun!  Although I was still really sick and tired, I had the best time; I had my family, great food, a comfy bed, and a SWIMMING POOL, plus I didn’t throw up the whole time!  Finally I headed back to Texas eight pounds heavier.

                    Madelyn had hiccups an average of 3 times a day because she was an amniotic fluid lush.  The only thing she did more than drink was kick.  That girl liked to stretch out right under my ribs.  In fact, that’s why my belly was so small, she liked to tuck herself safely up inside my ribs and press against my diaphragm and some nerve that went all the way up my back, OUCH!

                    By the time I went into labor, I had lost 30 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and then gained 36.  Talk about a lot of force feeding.  I started labor at 6 am on the 12th of October, the day James was supposed to drive to Oklahoma to settle a ticket, good timing baby girl.  My contractions started out at every 6 minutes on up to every

3 minutes and then they hit a plateau at every 30 minutes until we took a long hard walk and they went back up to every 15 minutes until 4:30 am. on the 13th.  I tried to tough it out at home but the contractions hurt too much even thought they were only 4 minutes apart.  We left for the hospital at 05:00 and got to sit in the triage room until a room was available.  I finally got a room at 08:00 which was a good thing because James said I was scaring the other moms.  Well, IT HURT!  All the anesthesiologists were busy so I didn’t get an epidural until 09:30.  I was 0so mad...and crying.  I probably would have been more tough if I had planned on being in pain but I wanted an epidural so I didn’t have to feel any of this.

                    I, of course, was still nauseated so they gave me a

phenergan and James and I got a few hours sleep before it was “go time”.  As soon as I started pushing, I started throwing up, my oxygen levels dropped and so did Madelyn’s heart rate, severely.  Finally after over 3 hours of pushing and vomiting, I was wheeled into the delivery room and finally some adrenaline kicked in and the Dr. said he barely used the vacuum extractor as evidenced by Madelyn’s perfect little round head.  After 48 hours of labor, our baby girl was here.  The pediatricians took Madelyn right away because our pooper let some meconium slip before she was born.  She ended up peeing 3 times and pooping at least twice before she was measured at 6 1/2 pounds and 19 1/2 inches long.  She never cried.  Even when she was being suctioned, given shots, and bathed.  All she did was make little squeaks.  I guess she was too tired to cry because we could never wake her up.  The nurses did all their terrible stuff to her and she just slept right through it.  She found her screamer when we got home though.  She finally figured out that she was hungry. 

Once we got feeding down she smiled and smiled showing all her precious gums at only a few days old.  After jaundice, losing too much weight, and getting breast feeding down, Madelyn got up to a chubby 90th percentile.  Our sweet baby is still smiling and laughing all of the time.

Pinky

 Pinky

My longest friendship started on a sunny Easter morning when I was about five years old.  Matthew and I were being led out into the backyard by mom, full of excitement, and I remember seeing two stuffed animal bunnies sitting on top of the fence, one pink and one yellow.  I instantly fell in love and I named mine Pinky.  The name didn’t come as quickly to Matthew and we decided that we would name Pinky’s brother Yellowy.

Pinky was an absolute sweetheart and loved me just as much as I loved her.  My new best friend went everywhere with me and has the scars to show it.  As I had lots of brothers to keep up with, she had lots of boys to put up with and I was constantly defending my little friend, which leads me to tell you about my beloved blankie.  See, my old best friend was a yellow yarn-tied blanket that great-grandma Webster made me and she met her terrible end being thrown into the back of a garbage truck while I struggled in the terrible grasp of my mean brothers as I watched her being gobbled up by the filthy stinky truck.  I was determined that nothing of this sort would happen to my Pinky and so my monstrous challenge began.

On one especially frightful camping trip, Pinky was snatched by those villainous boys, tossed around, and eventually tossed right out the back of the van window.  You can imagine my utter panic, sooooo, my hero dad rode on his Schwinn steed all the way down the HUGE mountain and all the way back up.  He rescued my bestest friend and brought her back to me…warm fuzzies, we were back together.  Oh yes, Pinky was certainly tortured.  Her head has been torn off along with one of her ears and luckily mom was an excellent surgeon, though, not a particularly good plastic surgeon.  Pinky has also been gutted several times, had both of her eyes sewn back on, and has had countless stitches.  My little friend has been all over the country with me.  She even up and joined the Army just to be a good friend.  As you can surely imagine, she’s now old and tired and not much for playing anymore but she’s still my best and oldest friend and now watches over my little girl.

I wanna be a nurse

I wanna be a nurse
The farthest back that I can remember wanting to be a nurse was when I was looking at my grandmother Nielsen’s beautiful young face topped with a nursing hat. I was always in awe of her. This stranger that I resembled but didn’t know. Great grandmother Green was a nurse as well. When I looked at her picture, it’s wasn’t seen with the same beauty but with just as much awe. This amazing woman that I never knew that was one of mom’s best friends as a girl.
Oh, I knew that I wasn’t going to work. I was going to marry young, be a mother and raise my children at home like my mother and her mother before her. I merely wanted a career for the just-in-cases and what-ifs in life. Well…just in case turned into four failed tries at 3 different nursing schools, not to be outdone by four painfully restricting stress ulcers, three refused proposals, and one engagement ditch. But, I was, oddly enough, determined. I excelled at anything that I put my mind to. Problem was, the only thing that meant anything to me was just too darn stressful to get thru. So, since I couldn’t push myself thru the tears and pain, maybe someone else could? With a cumulative year of college, at 24 I joined the Army.
Where to start? Hmmmmm. Well, I guess I’ll start with dead rabbits and fish guts. Yes, you got it right, entrails and pre-dinner Peter. See, once upon a time I was dad’s little fishin’ buddy. I loved fishing, running a muck and bothering the other fishermen, but mostly I really enjoyed the smile on my dad’s face when I cleaned the fish, guts and all. I was probably a really smelly kid. J Anyway, back to the rabbits. Back to when you older kids can remember, we used to raise (successfully) rabbits and eat them. YUM! I remember dad cleaning one of the rabbits on the drain by the swimming pool and I was just fascinated by all the innards, especially the yellow round one that dad said not to touch. Course tell me not to and I will so like I said, I was a stinky kid. Ok, now down to the point. Even thru all the scrapes, gashes, and at-home stitches, blood never bothered me in the slightest. It actually really fascinated me. I always had my own little first aid kit in my room and I LOVED making any ouch all better. So as time went on and decisions had to be made, I decided that I wanted to be a nurse. Problem was, I hated school and tests petrified me. So after starting a full-time semester of nursing pre-requisites at least 4 times in Utah, Northern AND Southern California, I joined the Army to better pursue my life’s career launch. Now, it seemed like a good idea to me. No sleeping thru classes, no dropping out because of ulcers, plus a promise of a steady (though meager) paycheck. Well…frostbite, hypothermia, bronchitis, strep throat, a two week hospital stay w/pneumonia, lots-o-ulcers, hypertension, 1 husband, 2 recycles (starting the nursing course over), and 3 states later, I graduated from nursing school and passed the national nursing boards with honors. So after all the pre-test crying, post-test panic, now I was a nurse.
I did my internship in the Neo-natal intensive care unit and fell in love with my job all over again. My first patient was a tube-fed 1 pounder and all attitude. I became very good friends with all my little guys and still hope to get back to NICU one of these days.
My first job as a licensed nurse was sitting behind a desk as a secretary on a Labor and Delivery ward while going thru an Army medical board. James had left for New York shortly after I graduated and I sat behind my desk depressed at giving up our home, moving into the barracks, working as a secretary, and being husband and friendless. Being depressed and lonely got really old so once again I remembered myself and counted my blessings, all of them. This dismal part of my life became a very fond memory. I spent every weekend and attended church with Aaron and Sarah. A total lifesaver. As my attitude got better so did my job. I sat at a desk answering phones and answered to no one. I got to do as much nursing and got as much surgical and mother-baby experience I wanted. I went home everyday to my lame little barracks room with a smile on my face because I was still getting paid as if I had a house. Wink wink. So, my time in the Army was served and over and once again I was with my husband and now in New York. Skip onto my next nursing story…
After a dark and frozen year in New York we finally got back to Texas. I got a job right away and now I was a medical surgical nurse, thinking that it was going to be similar to my med-surg experience during nursing school, WRONG! I was in tears most of my first day because there were no computers, everything was done (and not well) on paper and not only did my job consist of taking care of pre-op and post-op patients, I was also responsible for knowing, remembering, performing, and caring for patients with cancer, cardiac disorders, communicable diseases, as well as overflow of ICU, pre-natal, post-natal, and pediatrics. Yeah, the hospital that I was familiarized with had 7 different floors for all of that. So after getting over the panic of trying to remember and hating my job because I felt like a fish out of water, I fit right in to loving my job and caring for my patients. I went home everyday overworked and utterly fulfilled. The hospital was terrible, the paperwork was medieval, and the patients were mine, even for just 12 hours. Every day I was able to see the result of my gift of nursing others back to health. Everyday I made a difference, everyday I renewed a smile.
Wendy 2003

The Beginning and the End

The Beginning and the End
When I was preschool aged I was in Raley’s with mom, saw some orange bubble gum while we were in line, decided that I wanted it, so I put it in my pocket, took it home and started to open it in my room. Before I got a chance to chew a piece, mom caught me and drove me back down to the store to return it. I remember being really embarrassed and knowing that if I wanted something that I couldn’t have, from now on I was gonna have to be sneakier. Yeah, not so good.
So years later after never being caught (don’t remember much in-between), I was now in the 5th or 6th grade and as mischievous as ever, I was on my way to school and dropped by 7Eleven to get some “free” school snacks. After school and not happy with the current candy I had, I greedily went back to 7Eleven. My back pack was probably a quarter full and my left hand was completely full of Dubble Bubbles when the lady behind the counter told me to come up to the counter.
“Open up your bag” she said.
So I opened it and she said that she was going to call the police, so without any hesitation I said,
“Why?” And she said because I had stolen all that candy.
“What are you talking about? I came in here this morning and bought all of this for my brothers and sisters. I forgot the gum and had to come back for it. It’s you people’s fault that you don’t give receipts.”
She then asked for my name, address, and telephone number and without a doubt I said,
“Jennifer Simmers”, gave her phone number, address, and parent’s names. The clerk then mentioned something about the police and picked up the phone. I was now on my way home and fear finally found and owned me. I went thru parking lots, across business parks, anyway to stay away from streets because I knew that the cops were looking for me. I made a run for it in front of the canal and hid in the field across from the hospital for a short time until I was sure that I could make it home. After an eternity, I got home, and knowing that everyone in the world knew what I had done, hid the bag of treasure behind the bushes in front of the pool area. I was so nervous that I didn’t go to get the backpack until the next day and it was gone. And so ended my klepto. days.
Wendy 2002

What Got Me Through

What Got Me Through
1989: I didn’t know her very well, in fact the only thing that I knew about her was that she had a pretty voice, dad had taught her in Seminary, that her favorite song was Because We Have Been Given Much, and that she died on her way to come see dad and our new home. When we got the call that Alyssa Brice had been killed in an awful car accident on Balfour the air became thick, sound froze, and time moved like water. The next thing I remember, I was sitting on my bed. I don’t remember what thought processes were going through my mind but I looked up and she was there. I didn’t see her with my eyes, my spirit saw and communicated with her in a way that I had never known and haven’t since. If I could explain it in a mortal way, I saw her sitting on the edge of my bed as if she was perfectly formed heat waves before me. I could see her hair, recognize her features, but I recognized her/knew her through other means. We knew each other, not in life but in a way that we all know each other but no longer remember. She was waiting there with me. I was blessed enough to have been able to provide an environment in which this beautiful creature, this spirit sister, this fellow daughter of god could reside. My guest started talking soon after Alyssa arrived and she left as suddenly as she came. For years I’ve been confused as to why she chose me, why I was one of the people she chose to share a time with. Every year and every different person I become, I think of some different reason why. This year I’m convinced that ultimately by her visiting, I made it through all of my hardest times. This beautiful angel wasn’t someone that I could second-guess, wasn’t something that changes with different fads and so forth. She had been my most permanent testimony of the sublime things that we will be and why we need to strive for eternal life and eventually perfection. No matter who I was and where I went with my life, I knew the truth, I knew where and what I needed to strive for, and I new that I needed to be more.
Love,
Wendy
Christmas 2001

Wendy’s Alien

Wendy’s Alien
Jeremy called me up one late night and we decided that we were going to perform a covert cherry mission, so we loaded ourselves in his car and headed off for “Wolf’s” cherry orchard in the dead of night. It was late in the season, so we had a hard time finding anything, loaded up as much of the goods as we could carry in our sweatshirt pockets and headed back out. I was already a little skittish so it sent a shrill pain of anxiety through my stomach when both Jeremy and I stopped and, together stared at the figure holding fast against the trunk of a tree. Arguing in an anxious whisper back and forth, unbelievingly questioning whether the other really saw what each were facing, we described what we were witnessing. Against the cherry tree stood a child sized form with it’s head facing our opposite direction. It’s back clung to the tree with its arms tensely hugging the trunk. As our hearts were beating ferociously, whatever was inside its chest wouldn’t quiet and it’s uncontrollable breathing was the only movement it made. It glowed like white does on a clear night; only it wasn’t as bright, more like a gray. It was all the same light color but giving off a very dark, irk filled presence. As I begged Jeremy to escape into the safety of as far away as we could go, he walked closer. His intention was to kick the thing, just to see what would happen, how it would react. I kept pleading and eventually left on my own. Jumping at every snap of a twig, looking in every direction, all too slowly, I finally made it to his junker of a car that barely ran. I really hoped that it would start this time. I looked around every tire the thing sat on and behind every peeling seat that it encapsulated, rolled up the windows, and locked the doors. The jerk finally showed up and while I hit him significantly, we drove off. He then told me that he only got close enough to see that it’s outfit had seams because it’s subordinates were closing in. I only recall him telling me about one or two more, but they were crawling in on their stomachs trying, like their friend, not to be discovered. I didn’t want to go strait home because, as you know, some dogs follow. We went down to Balfour and waited through a police sobriety checkpoint, and after telling them what we had seen, they still let us go…Morons, it’s amazing they ever catch anyone.  :)  -1996?
Christmas 2000