Covert Plop

Covert Plop
Ok, this story, at first, may seem like it isn’t about me at all; but trust me it is.  In order to lay some groundwork, though, we have to talk about Aaron for a bit.  You see, growing up it seems like he was always hatching some secret plot and enacting some clandestine operation.  Sometimes they were in the basement, sometimes a tree house, sometimes in the nature at black diamond, and it really didn’t end when he grew up, seems like he’s still always planning some covert raid of some sort.
When I was little I just ate all the covertness up.  I remember walking to school one day and he found a piece of splintered wood, we picked it up.  Later on the walk he found a piece of rubber covered wire and went on to tell me how the wire was a sheath for the wooden dagger we found earlier, and how there were these people that hid such things all around and were seeing who would find them and put the pieces together.  He made it seem like there was really some shadowy organization out there somewhere that was placing these daggers and sheathes around. They were also hiding, for some unknown nefarious purpose, any other piece of trash that a child’s imagination might morph into some instrument of destruction, so that the junk would be found by him.  Really, I’m not making this up; at least I don’t think I am, and I don’t exactly know if he knew that he was making it up either.
Nevertheless, we need to get on with the story.  Suffice it to say that I was pretty in to all of this secret stuff and the covert operations and all.  Furthermore, when a big brother told you to do something, you did it; especially when it involved secrets and the possibility of getting caught by shadowy organizations.  So all this sets up the situation that comes next.  Aaron was about to set off on one of his secret raids or some such activity and he needed an accomplice.  Well maybe he just didn’t want me going up in the attic with him; but in any case I was tasked with being a sentinel at the base of the stairs while he completed his mission in the attic.  I was told in no uncertain terms not to leave my post until he returned.  So I stayed…and stayed…and stayed.  However, after a while I became conflicted; for, while I was supposed to stay at my lookout, I felt a growing need to go to the bathroom.  I couldn’t possibly fulfill both of my tasks, obviously I had to choose between them…or did I?
Interesting fact #1:  Secret agents are chosen based partly on their ability to do multiple things at once, and the best kind of secret agent is one that can multi-task to get several objectives done at the same time.  That day, I was the best kind of secret agent.
Interesting fact#2:  It is no fun to stand as sentinel with a deuce in your drawers…especially the runny kind.
So after what seemed like an eternity Aaron completed his objective and came back down the stairs.  My commitment to him was over, but now I had a new mission to complete, a covert operation of my own to perform.  Nobody could ever discover the sacrifices that had to be made to complete Aaron’s mission that day, not even him.  All evidence must be disposed of, but how to do that while not throwing away my shorts and wasting money, it was a real enigma.  The epiphany struck, I could leave my shorts in the bathroom just around the corner.  If I left them in the shower they might never be found, and if they were, younger siblings could be framed, or better yet, the evidence would probably be eaten by dogs.  Disgusting, I know but these missions oft times called for desperate measures.  So I enacted the plan flawlessly and while I don’t remember my escape route that day, it probably involved a streaking boy, naked as the day he was born, from the waist down dashing around the pool, through the gate, up the stairs, over the deck. Past the first doors and finally into the second set of doors, safe again, back at base.
The mission must have been a success, because those shorts were never seen again…at least not by me.
Matthew 2006