CRAZY CRAZY

CRAZY CRAZY
All right, so I am pretty sure most of you have heard this story, but not much happens to me that is really out of the ordinary, so here it goes again:
It happened a year ago, June 2003. It was my last night working at Gottschalk’s before going home for the summer to help dad out while Cheryl was on yet another vacation… Most of you probably don’t know, but Gottschalk’s is a horrible company to work for. If you aren’t underpaid, you are overworked, etc. Well, I was both. And on this particular evening I was closing the Juniors Dept. by myself… as usual. And me, being the good little employee that I was, really wanted to leave the department organized for my last day in that hellhole. So I was running around like crazy cleaning up after all the lazy pigs that shopped there. Anyway, while I was folding some clothes on the cash register desk, I noticed some awkward looking guy just kinda standing around in the department. At first I thought he was a little odd, but what was I thinking? This was Gottschalk’s and weird people were all over… and besides, there were two obnoxious women, too large for our clothes but in denial, in the fitting room, and one, I thought, may be his wife. So back to work. Being the observant person that I am, I was always pretty aware of the goings on of the department and noticed this guy was still hanging around and every time that I would turn around, he would make it a point to get behind me. So I thought I would call security and tell them to keep an eye out. BUT THIS IS GOTTSCHALK’S and security was on a break. You like that? On a break. So whatever, back to work. Anyway, 15 minutes prior to closing the operator makes an announcement that we will be closing, and to grab your crap and please leave, or something to that effect. So I busied myself with closing procedures. I began to fold the tables right by the register and noticed a figure out of the corner of my eye. I turned to ask this person if I could help them in any way. Haha, it turns out it was the crazy guy… and in fact this pervert did think I could help him with something as he grabbed my left arm a hung on for dear life while in his right hand…..hmmmm, how shall I put this will younger listeners…. He was doing naughty things with himself. His pants and all were around his ankles and he had a CRAZY CRAZY, like I am WAY on drugs and nuts look in his eye. Anyway, I sorta froze at this point because I didn’t want to go kickin’ his junk and causing him to get really angry. You see, I heard people on hard core drugs don’t feel much in the way of pain. And I stupidly assumed that at this point security would be off their break and would see through the cameras what was going down. They ALWAYS have a camera facing our registers so I figured they would be there in any minute. So I just kinda stood there in shock. Well, I guess this dude thought better of all of this in the MIDDLE of a freaking retail store, and so he decided it would be better to continue outside. So he started pulling me through the jeans in route to the door that leads to the dark, narrow ally between the two shopping centers. Now I was not about to let this happen so I wrenched my arm from his grip and ran to the phone to call 911. Which did not work, because you have to dial a 9, then 911 to get out. So dumb. And I was a little freaked so my Amy brain was not functioning properly. Anyway, while I am finally on the phone with security, this guy runs out the ally door with his pants around his ankles and disappears. So security calls the cops and I was impressed, they actually got there within 20 minutes or so! Wow, lazy pigs. Anyhow, So three of these retards come in to question me and get an ID of this guy. So I give them a very accurate description of this dude. Tall, dark longer hair, surfer look, about 35…etc. They then wanted me to describe EXACTLY what happened. What they guy said, etc. THEN! Then the cop asks… “Well, what were you doing?” Like I provoked the pervert. I was livid but remained cooperative…because they wanted to get my contact information so in case they found him, I could ID him. At this point I was more than irritated that they were taking so freaking long to get all this information rather than actually being cops and trying to go find this guy who was probably finishing what he started somewhere nearby. Anyway, so the cop asks my name… I tell him “Amy Nielsen”… and then he asked for my middle name. I told him I don’t have a middle name. And the turd looks at me like I am stupid and says, “You don’t have a middle name?” And I said “No.” So STUPID. And then he asks for my phone numbers, etc, and then wants my cell phone number. Well, at that point I didn’t have one. So, I told him “I Don’t Have ONE!” And then this IDIOT replies, “You are telling me a girl your age doesn’t have a cell phone?” And I said….”YES” He then says, “You understand that it is a crime to withhold information from a questioning officer?” Holy crap, are you kidding me? Who is the criminal? Protect and serve right? Anyway, so finally they were done, and I got to leave. And no, they never called me to say they caught him, they were probably too busy making arrangements to go to Starbucks to even do anything about it
Amy 2004