Dad, Grandpa, Walwyn Green

Mother phoned me on Monday, March 12, 2012 to tell me that dad had experienced a fall.

The next morning she phoned me again that dad may have experienced a mild stroke, and he seemed to be paralyzed on his left side. I planned on flying out in 2 weeks.

I was standing in a line at Safeway when the hospice nurse phoned me and said, "If you want to see your father before he dies, get up here right now". She said that my mom didn't understand how ill my father was. Of course We came to find out it was brain damage from fluid that was hemorrhaging into his brain so that his condition was becoming gradually worse. Even. up until, Monday, the day he died, I too didn't realize how soon dad would pass on into the next world.

I was very ill and thought, perhaps, I was checking out of this earth life myself. I didn't dare drive up to high altitude before I took my stress test which was scheduled the following day. A wasted day that I could have spent with my dad. Hindsight. But a grateful thank you to Glenn and Whitney for driving up to Clearfield and spending time with and caring for grandpa untilthe rest of us could get there.

Joseph, Matthew, Keith and Amy, Meghan, Emily, Whitney and Glenn, and Joshua were all able to speak with Grandpa before he passed away. Emily hardly left his side. She was so cheerful with him, fed him pop cycles, pudding and Jamba Juice with a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her face. Watching her interact with my father as I sat on the bed on his other side, was a memory/experience that I will always cherish.

I truly appreciate everyone who made the effort to say goodbye to their grandpa and who spoke at and attended his funeral. The presence of you children strengthened me and supported me at this emotional time. I know that Grandpa appreciated your visit as well (both before and after he departed).

Saturday, when your dad clasped Grandpa's hand, that sparked something. Grandpa started saying, "James, James, James". Grandpa was very animated. He said the name over and over. Not always being the brightest bulb, I told dad that it was Bill holding his hand. Then I asked if he was referring to Madelyn's & Christopher's dad. He said "no" and said he saw James (as in Peter, James, and John) talking to God. Then he repeated two more times that he saw James speaking to God. I remember thinking that I'd be more excited that I was seeing God, but dad was focused on James I assume because James was speaking to God on behalf of my dad.

Emily had told dad that my mom had gone to get her hair done. She said, "She wants to look beautiful for you, Grandpa" To which dad responded, "she always looks beautiful to me."

Mom got back from having her hair styled and dad called her to his bedside. He told her that she was beautiful and that he loved her. A brain that is being damaged and destroyed by a hemorrhage and yet he somehow remembers that mom just had her hair done and to complement her on her appearance what an amazing companion he was to my mother. Mom told dad that she loved him and I thought that would have been a sweet time for him to depart but alas dad had to endure 2 more days.

Dad was seeing beyond the veil and I asked him who he saw. He saw his mother and his brother, Clifford but at that time he didn't see his dad. Mom asked him if her dad was there and dad said that he was. I pictured dad's beloved family gathering to welcome him home. I likened it to giving birth. Dad truly labored to die and was finally set free of all his pain and suffering. The moment of his death, when his spirit left his body not so dissimilar to the moment it entered.

Dad passed away on Monday night, March 19, 2012, just short of his 99th birthday.

The day before his viewing, I thought I would be joining dad. I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't going to live longer but other than that I was fairly calm about my pending demise. Denial? I was very ill. How to describe how I felt? I felt miserable with my head up. I felt weird and dizzy like I had no blood pressure laying down as well - but horrid sitting up. The next day came. I had to be at the viewing by my 91-year-old mother's side but I couldn't sit up for 10 minutes without feeling yucky and starting to black out. After 2 hours at the viewing, it dawned on me that my dad was somehow giving me the strength and the energy to sit there and endure. At the realization of this blessing I leaned over to tell mom, when she said, "Do you feel your dad's presence? He is blessing me with the strength to sit here". I told her that I was just about to tell her the same thing.

Later that night at the motel I was crying and talking out loud to dad. I was sorrowing that everyone couldn't be at the funeral. As I kept talking, my disappointment turned to gratitude and joy. Emily was taking care of Baxter, Amy helped David through security at the airport. And then I felt so thankful for all you children. I started crying even harder as I told your dad, that my dad was indeed with me and helping me see cup half full instead of cup half empty. I felt his lesson so forcefully to control my attitude. It is my responsibility to choose gratitude, happiness and to not allow disappointment, self pity, or depression take over. Thank you, so much, dad, for that beautiful tutorial! I realized that this experience was a manifestation of the gift of the ministering of angels as was being strengthened at his viewing.

Thank you, Michael and Aaron for such beautiful talks. Thank you so much! Thank you, Glenn for your opening prayer. Thank you, Joshua, Aaron and Michael for wearing an article of dad's clothing as you honored him by being pall bearers. Thank you for being pallbearers, Aaron, David, Joshua and Michael! Thank you Heidi and Sarah for bringing all the squirmy cherubs. Thank you, Wendy & Jeremy for driving all night to be with us. I so wish you could have made it to his funeral it was perfect. Thank you for staying with my mom for a few days and helping her pick a head stone for their grave. Thank you, Joseph, Matthew, Keith and Amy, Meghan, Whitney and Glenn, Joshua and Emily for coming to say goodbye to Grandpa. Thank you my beloved husband and cherished companion, William, for your support and love. Dad (grandpa) knew you all, he knew you were there. I know it meant the world to him. I kmow he liked your talks, Aaron and Michael.

And most of all, thank you, dad (grandpa), for still blessing my beautiful children. I had many a talk with him over the last 5 years of how I needed his help to bless and serve (minister to) you children. Several of you have told me stories of you feeling his presence since his passing. I am so grateful for this. He still lives (just his body is retired) and he is with us and is sill blessing our lives. I love you all.